Life Without You
by Koujaku
Summary: A ten-year-old Darry has been trusted with alone with a young Ponyboy, but when he is distracted and forgets about Pony life changes forever.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I had said to myself, that I wouldn't write anything new, looks like I lied. Okay this is mainly about Ponyboy being kidnapped when he is four years old, and how that affects his family. I have been having dreams about this so I know where I want this to go. Umm I rated it the way I did because of things that happen to Pony in later chapters, this would include forms of rape (hint: there's a pedophile). So the P.O.V will switch every chapter. Oh yes if you don't like angst please press the back button! I have been accused of writing something to depressing so yeah. Well read on!  
  
Life Without You  
  
Chapter One: Darry  
  
I smiled proudly at the responsibility my parents had given me; I got to watch my brother all by myself. I was only watching Pony; he's only four years old. I have another brother who was staying at friends, his name is Soda and he was six years old.  
  
I had sat him down in front of the TV while I took a break to do my homework, he was being a pretty good kid so far, and a lot more quiet that Soda.  
  
CRASH!  
  
I jumped at the loud noise and ran out to where I herd it from, the kitchen. And there he was. Pony must have wanted something to eat because he was sitting on the floor and chocolate cake all over the place, I could feel my face getting red.  
  
"Pony what are you doing!" I tired not to yell at him, he was only four.  
  
" I'm sorry Darry but I was hungry." His voice was really little; he had cake all over his face I couldn't help but laughing.  
  
"Okay but next time tell me if you hungry, I could have helped you. Now lets get you to the back and hose you off." I took his hand and lead him to our back yard. I had him take off all his clothes and then hosed him off. He kept complaining the water was too cold. "Okay now stay outside while I go in and get you a towel."  
  
I ran inside but was sidetracked buy something on the TV, before I knew it I heard the front door open, I sucked my breath in realizing I left Pony outside, he can't reach the door knob.  
  
"Hey Jr. where's the little guy?" I could here my dad's voice coming from behind me; I turned my head slowly afraid not wanting to tell him.  
  
"Well.umm.dad.he made a mess and I took him in the back to clean him up but well I kind of left him out there." My voice was really small and I didn't dare look my dad in the eyes.  
  
"You left him out there! He could catch a death of a could!" I heard my Mom shriek as she ran for the door.  
  
My mom and dad ran outside and I followed, Pony was not in the back yard. My heart started to race when I saw that the gate door was open. Pony couldn't open that! What if he was kidnapped or something? I couldn't live with that! I couldn't live knowing I was the one who lost my baby brother it would be just horrible! I looked up at my parent's faces they looked so scared.  
  
We searched for hours, but we never found him. My parents called the Police and suddenly a lot of people came over to comfort my parents, I stayed in my room. I wouldn't talk to anyone, even my friends. I did lose him! It was my entire fault. He could be all alone somewhere or maybe even dead and it was all my fault! I looked around and saw one of Pony's toys, and I just broke down crying.  
  
I was never going to see him again! I would never see his cute smile or his pretty eyes. I would never see him ride a bike or help him on his homework. I would never get to be a big brother to him!  
  
"Darry?" I dried my eyes to look into the eyes of my only brother left, Soda.  
  
"Yeah Soda?" he had tears in his eyes.  
  
"When is Pony coming back?" I didn't want to tell him what I really thought so I lied.  
  
"Soon." I tried to smile but I couldn't.  
  
A/N: Okay that was short, but my first chapters are usually short. Next chapter will be in the future, about nine years making Pony 13 and it will be in his P.O.V 


	2. Ponyboy

A/N: This is official turning into an original fiction you can find it on fictionpress.com under the user name Koujaku, I shall continue it here but it once the two stories start to take there different paths this one will have less heart put into it. OH YES GUY ON GUY SEX IN THIS CHAPTER! TRUN BACK IF YOU NO LIKE!  
  
Disclaimer: I own the plot not the characters cept Rick  
  
Life Without You  
  
Chapter 2: Ponyboy  
  
I stretched back in my chair yawning loudly god was I tired. Now I knew the penalty of starting my homework too late, my eyes lazily wandered over to where my clock lay, and I almost fell off my chair, it was midnight! Rick was going to kill me for this not even mentioning the state of my room!  
  
I jumped up out of my seat and ran around the room trying to make it at least look fairly decent! But I was too late I could hear him coming with the heavy footsteps that all my life I have feared, all my life I hated. I could hear the door of my room open as he came in my room stepping on my hand that was trying to pick up a shirt.  
  
"What are you doing?" He asked in his usual cool calm voice, he was always calm, always cool.  
  
"I'm just trying to clean up!" I looked up at him my eyes pleading for him to get off my hand.  
  
"Humph you should be asleep, come with me." He finally got off of my hand and yanked me up by may arm. How could I be so stupid? I knew this would happen if I stepped out of line, and yet I did, I stayed up late and caused Rick to get mad and now I shall be punished!  
  
He took me roughly by my shoulder blades and threw me into his room; I landed on the floor with a soft thud. My eyes lifted to look into the cold black eyes of the man who has tortured me all these years, how I hated them.  
  
I heard the noise of leather and fabric being brushed against each other quickly he was removing his belt. My eyes twitched downward as I watched him slip off the belt and hold it in two hands, I shut my eyes. I waited for the cruel sting of the result of leather hitting skin, but it never came. No instead my tormentor let the belt drop to the floor and motioned me from my place of rest to another, the one place I feared most. I shook my head, I knew this action to be futile but why not try.  
  
"Oh but baby, you must come, to bed." He said in his soft tone, anyone could have taken it as just some father speaking nicely to his son but this was so much more. Again I tried to refuse his demands but his eyes flashed with anger, I knew I was making this harder for myself. He stalked over to me taking me roughly by my wrist and dragging me to the bed. I tired to resist but his hold only became more painful.  
  
He violently threw me down on the bed his eyes full of hunger, full of lust. I kicked my legs up but his massive hands quickly restrained them. I tried to get my upper body to move but it was too late, he already had me trapped.  
  
His filthy hands travel across my chest stopping when it reached the first button. Adjusting himself so that he sat perfectly on the place of his desire. He gave each button the up most attention; slowly undoing them, it was torture. Once he reached the final button he slipped my shirt off unveiling my pale chest. He bent down and placed a kiss upon one of my breast, sucking on the nipple until it was hard. An unwanted gasp escaped my lips.  
  
"See Ryan, you like it. Or at least your body does." He purred into my ear smiling all the time. I wanted to shake my head no but I knew there was some truth in his statement.  
  
He got up off my body his hands now working at completing his job. I squirmed uncomfortably only to get punched in the chest, so I stayed silent and obedient.  
  
I stayed still as he slipped off the last of my clothes, the last of my sanity, the last of my pride. I was still as he took it in his hands messaging it sending shivers of dirty pleasure though my body. I could feel it harden in his grasp; I could feel my body beg for more when my mind screamed for him to stop. He then let go of it saving it for later, he now crawled over me so that his naked body was over mine. His head bent down, his lips closing over my mouth, a foreign object entered. Bile rose in my throat, why didn't I have the courage to bite down, make him bleed? 'Because you want him to love you, you don't want to be alone,' a voice in my mind echoed the unspoken truth I did not want to believe.  
  
He finally rose off of me smiling as he looked down at my weak and pale frame. I knew I was shaking, I was so afraid.  
  
"Shh baby, I'm almost done." As if his meaningless words would bring me any comfort.  
  
He took me by the shoulders and flipped me around, so that he could have better access to my rear end. I could feel him widen the gap with his fingers, pain swirling with pleasure rushed through my body escaping though my mouth in a low moan. He then grabbed a bottle filled with a liquid substance, oh god no. Pain erupted in my whole body; sparks of white light went off behind my eyes. God how could something so wrong so unforgivable be so painful and enjoyable all at once? He rocked back and forth to some unheard rhythm; moans escaped my mouth as he sunk deeper and deeper into my body. Then all in one glorious moment I felt the pleasure of orgasm and screamed out into the silent dawn of day, it was over.  
  
I felt him remove himself from me, I heard him dress and then leave. That's when reality all came rushing back to me, how could I let him do such a thing! How could I let him tear into me like that! I was dirty now, I was a disgusting pig, but then I've always have been. Every night I have let him rip into my soul, I let him hurt me. Every night I was left sobbing on this bed as I tried to pull myself together before the day's task. Every time I hated him, but even more myself.  
  
Yet I come everyday to his welcoming hug. I came home and believed his offers of forgiveness and promises of a better life. But that was all silly childhood beliefs, I knew very well he would do it again; he would always do it again.  
  
I let a shaky sigh escape my lips as I lifted my broken body from the bed. I pushed myself to take one step at a time until I reached the pale white door of the bathroom. I opened it and walked in.  
  
I walked over to the shower and turned it on, I turned it on so that is was almost scalding and stepped under the curtain of water. My whole body felt like it was burning, and I welcomed it. I grabbed the soap and scrummed at my skin until it was raw, I wanted to be clean.  
  
I looked down at the soap in my hands and let out a defeated sigh, I would never feel clean. I let my body drop to the shower floor and sobbed. 


	3. Chapter Three: PonyboyRyan

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_A/N: Yeah, so I haven't updated this fic in along time, I mean I haven't even been reading outsiders fics lately. But when I read about S.E Hinton's new book coming out, I decided to update. Well here I go._

**Life Without You**

**Chapter 3: Ponyboy/ Ryan**

I pushed myself up from the shower, careful to step on the fuzzy pink bathroom rug that my mom had placed in my bathroom. I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was go to bed, but that would require me to walk to my room. I mean I could just curl up and fall asleep right here, right in the bathroom. But that would make he mad at me all over again. So a grabbed my towel, and slowly made my way to my room.

Once inside I closed my door, I don't know why I do that anymore, doesn't make much of a difference. I let the towel round my waist fall to the floor as I looked around my room for a shirt to sleep in, finding one I quickly pulled it on. I stumbled over to my bed, collapsing on it, thanking it for its comfort. I knew I was going to killed for sleeping with my hair still wet, and I bet I'll get sick... no that it matters I already fell something coming on. Mmmm, I love my bed...

"Honey? Baby, you okay?" I moaned, someone was shaking me. Opening one eye I realized it was my mom, she must have just come back from her sisters.

"Mom? Your back already?" My voice was kind of horse and it hurt to talk.

"Yeah, I got here this morning. Oh baby, your sick aren't you, now you just stay in bed and I'll fix you right up!" My mom smiled at me moving my hair out of my face.

"But what about school?" My dad hated when I missed school... I really didn't want him mad at me.

"You don't worry about that, you're in no shape for school. Now I want you to relax." I watched my mom as she walked out of my room to the kitchen.

I loved my mom; she was the total opposite of my father. I could never figure out how they got together. My mom was kind, cheery, and she would never hurt me. In fact when I was little it was her who nursed my wounds and dried my tears. But she never stayed around to long, she would run off to her sisters house a lot when things got to hard here. I used to hate her for doing that, for leaving me all alone with him. Now I'm just grateful she comes back once in a while.

"Here you go, a nice hot bowl of chicken soup." She set a tray out in front of me, the chicken soup was really good and warmed up my throat.

"Mom... can I come with you next time you got to your sisters, please? I can't stand being with dad anymore!" The words burst out of my mouth, I had been meaning to ask her for a while.

"Honey I would love to take you with me. But you know I can't your aunt has so little room and your dad would come after us. I'll stay longer this time I promise."

I faked a smile for her, but inside her answer tore me apart. "That's okay, but I'm glade to hear your staying longer... we should do something." I knew she was lying she said that all the time but she never stayed longer, her visits were getting shorter and rarer.

"Yeah, I'll take to the movie place, okay?" She ruffled my hair but didn't wait for my answer instead she walked right out of my room leaving me to enjoy my soup alone.

I guess I was kind of wrong when I said my mom would never hurt me, she would never hurt me intentionally. But, every time she went away leaving me alone, she left a little scare on the inside, and those hurt a lot worse than what my dad did to me, a whole lot.

But what can I do about that, there's not place I can go. None of my family really wants to believe that my dad hurts me, and I don't wanna be taken away and stuffed in some orphanage or something. I mean I have a family here, well kinda.

Exactly I should be looking at the good side of things, my mom loves me. And my dad isn't always hurting me sometimes he's nice. So it's not all that bad I guess, I mean things could get better... oh damn, like hell they will, I'm just going to keep hurting myself if I try to have high hopes. Its time to face the facts, my life stinks and its not getting any better.

_A/N: I should stop staying up till 2:44_


	4. Chapter Four!

**A/N: **Hey all this is just an authors note and an update! Look I am so sorry for leaving this for such a long time... I sort of lost interesting in fanfiction for a while. Then I got back into it but I had no desire to write fanfiction again. Well, the fanfiction bug has come back to bite me and I shall **resume updating**! I might even redo a few stories to make them even better.

Life without you

Chapter Four

There are times when I dream of another life,a better life. I suppose every one dreams of being in a better situation. For most people it is just a matter of having money or the perfect person to spend the rest of their life with. For me it was something simple really; I just wanted to have a family like everyone else did.

I wanted to have a father that would teach me how to play baseball, not do the things my father did to me. I wanted a mother who would clean my scraps and worry over me, not a mother who was always running away. I think brothers would be nice too, then I would have someone to play with. I didn't get along with other kids all that well. It might have something to do with how quite I always am.

But I was never going to have that dream family because I was stuck with what I got. I tried running away but all that got me was more beatings. I couldn't go to the policed... no I didn't even want to think of what would happen to me if I did that. Sometimes I think the only reason I am kept around is because I am quiet and obedient. It's easier to rape someone when they don't put up too much of a fight, I suppose.

I sigh again and scribble in my small sketch. My art teacher had bought it for me. He is one of the few adults in my life that I trust. He doesn't hassle me like the other teachers and he understand when I just want to be left alone. He had given the sketch book to me for my birthday. It had been the only gift I got. It was also probably the best gift I had ever received.

I had filled up almost all the pages. I drew a lot to get my feelings out. It's hard to say things aloud but it is so much easier to express them in pictures and words. If anyone got their hands on this little book then my family would be reveled for what it really is. Then people would know just how dirty I am.

That's why I always kept it tucked between my arms. I never let the thing out of my site for fear of loosing it. I hadn't even let Mr. Olsen, my art teacher, see it. I felt a little guilty about that. I mean he was the one who gave it to me. But if I showed him he wouldn't like me anymore. I wanted him to like me.

I glance up at the clock that rested on my desk. I had about half an hour before I had to be ready for school. I closed my sketch book and slowly walked over to my closet. I could hear yelling coming from the kitchen. My mom had just gotten back from her sisters last night. She had only stayed for a few days. I sort of wondered why she always comes back. Part of me wants to believe it's for me.

"You fucking little bitch! You expect that I'll allow you to come right back to this house!" That was my father, I flinched as there was a crash.

I heard my mother let out a strangled scream and I went to my door and peaked out. He had her by her hair and was pulling it right up. I could see her face twisted in pain and she already had a black eye. I wanted to go out there and help her, I really did, but pain and the memory of abandonment made me retreat back to my room.

Soon I was dressed and ready for school. I wasn't the fanciest of dresses and usually just wore a pair jeans and a plan shirt. Although I did have a pretty rad bag. It was an olive green messenger bag that I bought at a garage sale. It smelled faintly of pot but I didn't mind.

I slowly sneaked from my room and hoped to avoid any confrontation with my parents. Unfortunately with luck such as mine I was not all that successful in my sneaking.

"Ryan! Where the hell are you going?" My father had been drinking, it was obvious in his voice.

"I am just going to school sir." I practically squeaked, god I was so weak.

"Yeah? Well you better come straight home. You won't want to be upsetting me today." He growled and went back to his drink.

With a slight sigh of relief I quickly left the house and walked quickly to my bus stop. The usual bunch were there and none of which I was friends with. I knew all their names but I doubt they knew mine. Thats what happens when your the quite kid. I didn't mind that much though. I mean I had always been the loner.

I looked around the bus stop and noticed a poster nailed to a telephone pole. I walked forward and looked at it. It was one of those posters you see for lost kids; I always found those to be so sad. This kid had been lost for a long time now. Something like ten years. The poor thing had been snatched right from his front yard. There was a sort of fuzzy picture of him. Your couldn't really make any details of him out and he is so young in the picture; probably looks a lot different now. Had one of the oddest names ever though, Ponyboy. Well if he had been gone that long then I doubt they will ever find him. Although it's kind of cool how they keep on looking for him.

I don't know what made me do it but I took down the poster and put it in my pocket. There was something about the boy. I don't know what it was but I felt a connection with him. I mean he must have had one of the best families in the world. I mean they care about him so much that they keep on looking? Yet he isn't even aware of it. Talk about irony.

The bus came and I boarded it. I took a seat near the front and looked out the window. In some ways I wished I was that boy. I would have loved if I was kidnapped away from my family. Then I would never know what it feels like to be touched by your father or wish your mother would care. No I would probably somewhere else.. or dead. Sometimes I think it would be better if I was just dead. When your dead no one can hurt you.

**A/N: **Okay so next chapter we will be able to learn about what is going on with the Curtis's. I am going to try and get that to you tonight. Anyways see you!


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